In Defense of Happiness

I saw this book on the Bestseller List for eons, which is probably why I haven't read it until now.  Sometimes, the more popular a book is, the less I want to read it.  In my world, this makes perfect sense.  But then I do read it, and I love it as much as everyone else, and find myself raving about it after the party is over.  The wave has passed, with everyone surfing it to shore, and I'm listlessly bobbing out at sea.  That's me there - waving at you from the horizon - looking around for dorsal fins.

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

Reading is my main hobby - almost my only hobby - and therefore I tend to read selectively, only what I'm in the mood for at a certain time.  And I haven't been in the mood to read about happiness or projects like...ever.  Until now, and mostly because I still hear so much about this book.

Rubin spends one year researching happiness and incorporating various concepts and ideas about it into her life.  She tailors the happiness project to herself, obviously; meaning that she took into account her schedule, her job, her children, her spouse, her time, and her desires and ideas (based upon a lot of research and introspection) when considering what would make her happier and how she could achieve her goals.  She encourages her readers not to follow her exact steps, but rather to tailor the concepts to their lives in ways that would have the greatest impact upon them.  Each chapter of the book is a month of that year, and each month has a theme, such as "relationships," "money," and "eternity." 

I am currently about three chapters from the end of the book, and I find the idea of happiness so interesting that I thought I would break the topic & book review up into a couple of posts. 

First, a defense of happiness:

Bottom line: it's better to be happy than not happy.  I think (and this is my point, not the author's) that we were created for joy and therefore we will always seek it.  Since we live in a fallen world, this desire gets corrupted in all sorts of ways.  And for those of us who have Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs mostly taken care of - food, water, shelter, safety, security - that just leaves the self-actualization part.

Is it selfish to want to be happy?

Despite what I know is a bad habit of mine, I judged this book by the cover.  Actually, by the title.  Why in the world is a successful (former clerk for Sandra Day O'Conner), family-oriented (two daughters and a husband) writer (wonderful job! flexible schedule!) living in New York (prosperous!) searching for happiness?  To me, that was a sign that our country had finally plummeted into full-on hedonism.  If someone like that isn't happy, then who stands a chance?

But.

Rubin is careful to approach the project as her own, not as something to be imposed on anyone else.  Although the concepts and discoveries might (will!) be of interest to readers, it is clear that she is not trying to tell the reader what to do, only what she has learned through her own experiments with her time and money.  She is also up-front about her life; she is not desperately seeking happiness because she is unhappy.  She is simply trying to learn how to become a better version of herself, according to her standards and centuries of common wisdom.

Remember this little old lady?  This picture makes me so happy (and sad).

I think that "happiness," in and of itself is a great thing, but as a goal?  Then it takes on a connotation of superficiality, impermanence, tilting at windmills.  What I want is deep joy, a purpose, a sense of fulfillment.  And I think that is what the author actually means when she uses the word "happiness."  The new methods and ideas she applies to her life are not trite; their intention is to help her become the person she wants to be.  And that idea really resonates with me.

In other words, I don't want to be the kind of person who thinks up new ways to be happy.  I want to think up new ways to better myself.  Which - while I may not be jumping up and down - will make me happy.  This is actually what the book is about.

To better your life, you have to know yourself well enough to know what would make life better.  What makes you happy?  What choices feel good?  If your plane went down (I used to think about this one a lot!) what would be your regrets?  In knowing this information, are there changes you could make to minimize the bad and maximize the good?

If you like setting goals, or even just thinking about setting goals; if you like introspection; if you think your kids are growing up too fast and you're not as "in the moment" as you want to be; if you feel that some of your time is "wasted"; if you wonder whether more money would make you more happy...this is a worthwhile book to read.

More to come!  Although I haven't finished the book yet, I already know that when I do, it is going back on the shelf for more reads in the future.