Can Goals Make You Happy?

Can goals make you happy?

The Type A answer to that is: Duh, yes.  And also, that's a stupid question.

In fact, one reason this book has captured my attention so well, and that I have enjoyed it so much, is that I'm working on my 2014 Resolutions right now.  In addition to my current weekly and monthly goals, I'm already focusing quite a bit on next year, and this book has been timely in that process.

Making goals is so fun!  The hard work that goes into achieving them?  Not so much.

One of the themes of Rubin's book is that, as we are in the process of performing tasks (associated with goals) that are designed to make us happy, we may in fact not be very happy.  For example, a cupcake would make me super happy right now, for about the 3.5 seconds it would take me to scarf it down.  Afterwards, though, I would realize that it undermines my attempts to lose weight and does not contribute to my long(er)-term happiness.  On the other hand, perhaps I want said cupcake but I deny myself.  The denial does not even remotely make me happy or satisfied, but it will eventually lead me to a goal that helps achieve happiness.

This theme of delayed-gratification-sucks-but-will-eventually-help-me-be-happy resonated with me because I swear that's how I live my life.  Not that I'm unhappy, or that I'm solely waiting for eventual fulfillment, or that I'm denying myself any cupcakes (let's be honest), but I find myself doing a whole heck of a lot of things I don't want to in order to organize my life in a certain way.  Almost none of my short-term or long-term goals make me feel happy or fulfilled in the moment.  But as time passes and I knock them out, slowly, one by one, they start to add up.  And I find myself climbing the ladder to other echelons of goals.

This progression, in an of itself, makes me feel fulfilled/happy because I can see my success.  Even if this success has opened a chapter of entirely new problems.  For example, moving to Denver was undoubtedly one of the best things I've ever done.  However, I spent the first few months doing errands and chores that are my least favorite of all: moving, finding a new doctor, dentist, doing all kinds of networking (hello! introvert!) to get to know people, finding my way around, sorting out mail problems, DMV problems, rabbit problems, loneliness, and change.  Although I was over the moon to live in Denver, I was dealing with a slew of issues that made me unhappy, day after day, and it was exhausting.  But guess what!  I am in Denver and that's all that matters!

Best Halloween Picture EVER

Also, in making my 2014 Resolutions (many of which will eventually be broken down into those weekly and monthly goals), I am reviewing my 2013 Resolutions.  This is incredibly rewarding in that I can see how much progress I've made!  For example, arguably the biggest resolution for this year was to somehow focus on a future career possibility.  Not ideas, but a real path.  It took me almost the whole year, and frankly, I've been brainstorming this for about 5 years overall, but I did it!  I worked on several ideas which didn't pan out, but among them was the MA in English.  I jumped through all the hoops and got started down that path.  So guess what?  Many of next year's goals are now related to that:  Figure out a specific, aggressive course schedule; look for teaching opportunities; network in the grad school; look for volunteer opportunities.

Although a couple of my goals are huge, such as grad school and planning for the next vacation, the vast majority of them are pretty mundane.  I usually throw "LOSE WEIGHT!" in there for good measure, and oddly enough, it continues to make the list year after year.  But soooo many of my goals are small. 

For example, here's a sampling of my monthly goals for this November and December.  Of about 40 goals, these are a few...

Plan a Thanksgiving meal for me and G; remember to cook his this time
Monthly review of resume
Prepare for annual performance appraisal
Find allergist
Order Christmas cards
Enroll in Spring semester
Seal kitchen counters/tile backsplash
Figure out hot water heater humidifier
Tour Denver German Christmas markets w/G
Try to make gingerbread houses? (fyi - this would be my first)
Fix front light on side of house
Drive around w/G and look at Christmas lights
Start going on weekend hikes?

The day I got my first iPhone - keeper of The Lists.

In talking about the process of achieving goals, Rubin designates certain tasks as "boomerang" tasks and that description is spot on.  These are the types of things we set out to do and instead of getting resolved, they bounce right back to us, sometimes bigger than ever.  Unfortunately, this is the story of my life.  Ever since we moved into the new house, we have had problems with the refrigerator.  Long story short because it's totally boring, the freezer is like the arctic (even our ice has ice on it) and meanwhile the refrigerator barely stays cold.  We have had an appliance man to the house four times for this.  And it is still not fixed.

As fate would have it, the dang thing stopped working entirely on the morning of the fall brunch.  So last night we broke down and bought a whole new one.  The point being: some tasks that contribute to happiness (appliances are not even close to goals for my life, but having food in my house makes me pretty dang happy, so this example makes the list) are incredible pains in the you-know-what while they are being sorted out.

And lastly, I can see how some people would find this whole goal-setting thing truly suffocating.  There was a point in my life (about a year, actually) when I didn't set any goals at all for myself other than to get out of bed, go to work, and make it through the day.  When that time passed and I became my Type A self again, I made myself a deal: if these goals ever contribute to my anxiety instead of alleviating it, they go out the door immediately.  I will delete all goals from the record and won't plan on doing anything again until I feel like it.

Having goals allows me, personally, to contribute holistically to my own life and development.  The only specific lists I used to keep were for work, and then I realized if I kept that up, the days would pass, then the years would pass, and I would have been too consumed with getting to bed on time and getting up on time and spending all day at work that I would have missed out on my own life.  And I would have blamed work for it, instead of myself.

So I took control.  And these lists were my way of doing it.

What about you?  Thoughts?