Reality

So, I just finished my last honkin-albatross-around-my-neck paper of the semester.  Good. Lord.  And not a moment too soon.  I'm sick of looking at it and I'm sick of thinking about it and I'm totally over the self doubt.  I'm turning this puppy in and DASSIT.

Reality, people.  This is what I look like the vast majority of the time.  Pajamas and all.  I wear them around the house so much that they have several holes in them and I don't care because I have them perfectly worn in and they're like a second skin at this point. 

You may be thinking that I shouldn't stress over this paper, and you're sure I'll do well, blah blah.

Let me stop you right there.

This paper is important because it's like a gazillion per cent of my total grade, but also because I will have this instructor again next semester and most likely again in the future.  She's great.  But she's hard.  And my brain is dead.

I'm actually doing well in this class, despite all my complaints about it.  The problem is that I never feel like I'm doing well.  It's the equivalent of opening your front door three times a week, say, and getting punched in the face.  Immediately afterward, the person says, "Hey, I want you to know that you're doing a great job."  Which makes the biggest impression?  Exactly.

This is next:

 

The cookies are by far the most interesting part of the picture, but see that huge pile of papers underneath?  Yeah.  Those are the student papers that I still need to grade.

I will pay you $1,000 to come over and either grade them or clean my house.

I'm off to get dressed (meh) and go turn this confounded (<--- literally) paper in.  I will then reward myself with a trip to World Market to buy something awesome for our upcoming Supper Club gift exchange.

Then?  It's very likely I will sleep the rest of the day.  Because K-8 craziness and endless tutoring pick up again tomorrow.

Again, I ask you.  Pray tell, what holiday break?????

God's Eye

When G and I were decorating the Christmas tree, we came across an ornament from my old company.  It was gold and sparkly with clear glass sections that looked very festive.  We stared at it a moment, then threw it away.  Later we laughed to ourselves about how different things used to be.

Last night, during a tutoring sesh, one of my fave students gave me some sugar cookies and a home made ornament.  She is a smart girl who loves it when I give her homework, which means she is also a little weirdo.  She said this design is called a God's Eye.

When I got home, we put it on the tree.

Tradition: Christmas Markets

After my tutoring sesh yesterday, G and I headed downtown to the German Christmas Markets on 16th street.  This is becoming a tradition and I love it.  Our esteemed readers in Germany (ahem) will note that it is pretty small, but also authentic!  It takes G back to the days when he lived there, and it takes us both back to the Christmas we spent there a few years ago.  Good times.

 

 

We stroll around the different stands until our stomachs start to growl.  Then we grab the brats and go sit in the large tent where they sell all kinds of German beer and Gluwein.  A live German band plays and sings, and people dance.  It's really festive!

Curry wurst, smoked brat with kraut, potato pancakes

 

G has seen this real statue in Germany. It's a children's folk tale.

Almond pastry

Cherry pastry

A shot down 16th street

Afterwards, we went across the street to the ice skating rink and watched some people make fools of themselves.  Always a good time.  If you're here in Denver, I highly suggest going to the markets at night - the lights are beautiful!

A Really Good Saturday

So, considering that all of my classes are over and I've been harping about this for a while, I'm still waiting on the actual holiday break to occur.  The K-8 school work has been in full swing, and my tutoring sessions have actually increased over the past couple of weeks, so that break?  It ain't here yet.

Plus, I have been majorly procrastinating a huge final paper that's due next week.

But let's talk about Christmas instead!

Yesterday was the annual cookie exchange at my place, and it was a huge success!  I'm breaking out the fat pants as we speak.  Actually, let's be honest, it'll be a miracle if I get out of my pj's today.

First things first, though.  Check out the Hopi/Pueblo-inspired coffee mug that I got in Mesa Verde.  I have a habit of collecting coffee mugs from our trips.  Love. It.

In between rounds of cookie baking, I prepped all of my client Christmas cards.  This week I'll get to the friends and family ones.

These sugar cookies are what I like to call High Maintenance.  But they're so, so worth it.  The icing is home made, too! (#overachiever)

Three designs: circles, Christmas trees, and gingerbread men.

I also made deluxe chocolate chip cookies.  Man, these turned out really well.  You can't go wrong with a classic, I think.

We had a great turnout (introverts prefer the small groups) and enjoyed a roasted corn crab dip and some of Nat King Cole's home made chex mix with some wine and festive conversation.

Cookies included:
* Nat King Cole's pecan shortbread delights (which bring out my hoarder tendencies because I want to eat them for breakfast until about February)
* Smores cookies that I practically pop two at a time
* Cranberry/Oat/White Chocolate cookies so that we can pretend we're being healthy
* Iced pumpkin cookies so we can enjoy fall a bit longer
* Peanut butter/chocolate/oat bars that will bring on a heavenly chorus

But the fun didn't end there!  Afterwards, G and I joined Nat King Cole and Chef Campo at a fundraiser dinner for a Christian indoor skate park/youth outreach ministry call Skatuary.  They sponsored a table and we got to meet some of their church peeps, and learn more about shreddin' some narly stuff for the Lord.  "Board for the Lord."  I don't know, I think I'm too old to fully understand all the lingo.

Then!  We went over to their house to chill for a while, eat some cookies (I mean, let's be honest), and love on their animals.  It was a perfect day.

And look what's for breakfast!

TGIF people!

So...I think those are real antlers.

Lessons Learned

Today I'm teaching my last class of the semester.  I made it!  I let the students vote on what they want to do, and they overwhelming picked a "professional day," where we talk about resume building, cover letters, cultivating references, and email etiquette.  That's what the freshmen want - different world than when I was 18.

I baked homemade peanut butter cookies wrapped around mini Snickers bites to sweeten the deal.  Because we all survived the first semester and that deserves a little celebrating.

This has been a tough semester for many reasons.  Mainly, the constant evaluation has worn me down.  I'm evaluating myself and I walk away from every single class concentrating on what could have gone better.  I've been observed by my instructor and my peers, and it just doesn't matter how many "good" things they tell me; I know the "bad" things are so true.  There is also the introvert factor.  I love teaching but it wears me out.  I have felt tired and stressed out a lot.  This semester has, overall, been pretty difficult for me to manage.  While I have been "successful," I am happy to say farewell to Fall 2014.  :)

In preparing to teach two (!) classes next semester, I've been filing away some lessons learned.  I want to internalize these lessons so that I can concentrate on improving rather than on beating myself up.  That steals too much energy, and I don't have any to spare in my old age and frazzled grad school life.

Lessons Learned in My First Semester of Teaching College Students:

1. Accept the Authority
While I don't tend to think of myself as The Boss of the classroom, I also don't have any problem or issue with taking charge.  This is mainly due to a lot of life experiences, a lot of education, and the fact that I'm a good 20 years older than them.  While I want them to like me, and I want us to have a good class dynamic, at the end of the day it's my job to teach them to be better writers, and that means giving them grades that reflect their ability, and that means they won't always be happy with me, and that's OK.  I am not trying to be a harda$$ - that's not my style. 

I have been surprised at the students' reactions when I present a new assignment.  They ask questions ad nauseum about whether it should be typed (yes) and how it should be formatted and what the length should be and what I'm grading on - even though they have a piece of paper that explains all of it and we just went over it for twenty minutes.  But then I realized - they care about their grades and I'm the one giving them their grades and I need to repeat myself and take time to answer their questions and just accept the authority.  I'm the teacher.  And, Lord knows, when I'm a student I care a lot about the specifics of my grade, too.

2. Don't Take It Personally
This one seems like a no-brainer.  And you guys even told me this before I started teaching.  But this is THE HARDEST LESSON. 

It is hard when my best writers are insecure and think they're the worst, while my worst writers (who are typically the worst students) think they're on course and don't need to pay attention, even though they will most likely fail.  It is hard to lead exercises about a topic that most people don't enjoy.  It is hard to ask probing questions and receive silence in response.  Every day.  And keep in mind that my students are pretty good!  And these are still my problems!  It is hard to see them take out their cell phones towards the end of class.  It is hard to let them go a few minutes early because I'm out of material and they're not asking questions and I feel like I'm just repeating myself and they don't care.  Besides, they'll all come up after class or email me and ask me THE SAME THINGS over and over again anyways.  I actually joke with the other TA's to make myself feel better - on the days when I feel like I said something stupid or made a joke that fell flat, I don't let it get to me because chances are they weren't listening anyways.  They don't seem to hear anything that I say.

It is hard to craft a lesson that will hit the mark with all 25 students, knowing that some took A.P. English in high school and others actually belong in a remedial class instead of mine.  It is hard to challenge the strong ones without leaving the weak ones behind.  It is hard to take some time to teach more basic lessons, to appeal to the weak ones, knowing that the strong ones aren't really getting anything out of it beyond a basic review.  It is just hard.  It is hard leaving every single class thinking of so many things I could have done better.  It is hard not to take it personally, but it is crucial not to take it personally.  Thinking too much about this will suck the life out of any instructor.

3. They Really Will Learn Something
At the end of the day, the students will learn something, regardless of how dead or disinterested or bored they look in class.  Regardless of the texting and the talking and the goofing off in groups when they are supposed to be peer reviewing.  Throughout the semester I have held individual conferences with all of my students, and have gotten to know them a bit.  When we talk one-on-one, we can work on their specific concerns and issues, and I have seen improvement in their writing.  They tell me what they enjoy about the class.  They ask me questions and bring me drafts and thank me.  Every single class period, a few students will stay behind and talk to me and ask about classes for next semester and ask what I think about this or that for their next paper.  They email me and ask if I will be teaching the second level of this class next semester (I won't), and that feels really good.  They had the option to cancel class today, since it is their last class and they are turning in their finals, and they opted to have a professional day.  This tells me something.  They are taking away something.  They are learning something.

This time of the semester is bittersweet for me.  My very first class is over!  And yet I'm so totally happy about that!  :)  I'll savor the cookie and talk to them about jobs and careers and good emails.  I'll wish them good luck on their other finals.  I'll tell them when to expect their grade from me.  I'll tell them to email me in the future if they have questions.

And then we will go.

Merry and Bright

We decorated the tree last night.  I was like, finally, and then I realized it was only December 1.

This is G's winter look, hood and all.  I call it 'The Darth Maul.' (<---that rhymed!)

Well, I'm off to one of my last classes (as a student) this semester and then I'm editing graduate admissions essays for a client.  I'm like, edit?  As in, I don't have to try and teach you how to write it?  I can just go in and make changes myself and you're cool with that because you just want to be done?  Sign me up!!