If You Can't Say Anything Nice...

...then you probably should keep your mouth shut instead of whining on your blog.

Here's a little piece of unsolicited advice for you:

DON'T EVER BUY A HOUSE. That's how they suck you in. It's so fun! You get to pick out paint! You get to feel like an adult and breathe into a paper bag thinking about being anchored to a mortgage for the next 30 years. And then you go to Home Depot and drown your sorrows in lighting fixtures and flowers for the front yard.

But, eventually you may decide to follow your dreams and move to Denver and rent your house out and then three years later to sell it. And near the end of that three years, you realize that your renters lived in your house like it was a double-wide trailer in east Texas. And then you have to pay for all the damages while hoping that you can wring the whole security deposit out of the idiot renters. And then people come out of the wood work. Lenders and brokers and realtors and HOA administrators and all their unconscionable minions will suck you dry. Paid all of your mortgages and property taxes on time? Doesn't matter. Never missed a payment? No one cares. Never defaulted on anything ever? Doesn't apply here. Did you make sure to get a new roof and buy new windows that are eco-friendly and get the entire house re-sided and replace the water heater and the whole air conditioning system and the garbage disposal? Yeahhhhhhh, you're not going to make a profit.

In fact, once it's all said and done, you may still owe because you'll still be paying the people lined up, palms out.

Equity doesn't matter. Property value doesn't matter. Tax deductions don't count. You're better off having about 10 kids and losing your job.

So, remember you heard it here first: Don't ever buy a house.

Austenites, Adulterers, and Being a Grown Up

Now is the summer of our discontent. G has been traveling for a week, getting all the details worked out to put our VA house on the market. Being a grown up completely stinks and the next couple of months are going to be...stressful. Really, really stressful. He got home last night, finally.

Wife of the year: I made the strawberry "poke cake" that he likes so much to welcome him home.

And then I made a little somethin' for me:

My books of late have been somewhat disappointing.

G raised a very good point last night. He said that, for all the books I've put on my summer reading list, I don't seem to be enjoying them very much. The man has a point, but it's not like you can know these things in advance.

A little book that the Austenites will certainly enjoy:

Death Comes to Pemberley by P.D. James

Here's how I feel about Jane Austen: She was a brilliant writer and I will re-read all of her books. The off-shoots, though? The movies and book spin-offs? No thanks. I think it's a testament to her genius that she (like any amazing writer) was able to create texts that had both an entertaining story and enduring themes. The spin-offs, in my opinion, are soppy romance. I say this, you know, without having read any of them, so take my words with a grain of salt.

Death Comes to Pemberley, though, was mentioned in one of my classes so I decided to give it a whirl. It was entertaining, for sure. It's clear that James not only knows Austen texts, but has studied them in-depth. Six years after Lizzy and Darcy get married, they are in the midst of planning an annual ball when word reaches them about a gruesome murder that has taken place on their grounds. The prime suspect: Willoughby. Dun Dun DUNNN.

It is well-written, and I have to say that I liked reading a good mystery mixed into the Pemberley world. But my theory was indeed confirmed: I don't like spin-offs, even if they are really good ones. So, now I know.

****A note: James does a really good job working in characters from other Austen stories. You would think that would be a bridge too far but I found myself smiling a few times at how well she does it. If these books are your thing, you'll like this one!****

Aaaaaand in other news, I read this one:

Adultery by Paulo Coelho

I read this because a peep recommended it. She was like, I don't know if it's good or bad or just weird? She wasn't sure. And now I'm not sure, either.

So, Coelho is famous for his book, The Alchemist, (I haven't read it), and from everything I've ever heard or read, he's a talented writer. This book, though? Lame. Adultery is about a thirty-something woman who has it all: the career, the husband, the money, the dream house, and the 2.5 kids. A few years into her marriage, though, she realizes that she is not "happy" and finds herself in an affair with an up-and-coming politician who also happens to be her ex-boyfriend from high school.

Lame, though! There are a couple of good twists, and you could make the argument that Coelho deftly weaves the themes of "what is love, really?" and "what is happiness, really?" throughout the book. He's a good writer but this book? Ugh, I don't recommend it. It was easy to read, so at least I'm done and can move on.

But I will say that if you've heard about this and are intrigued, you may want to see what I missed. :)

Please buy our house. That is all for today.

TGIF people!

A "Hare-owing" Storm

Pop Quiz: How fast can you move a rabbit (fully decked out in her cage) into a tornado shelter?

Answer: Pretty darn fast! We made it in under a minute.

Being raised in tornado country (where they have cellars built in underneath the house for this type of thing), I'm not one to overreact to watches and warnings. But. When I received two back-to-back "take shelter immediately" warnings on my phone and it was hailing so loudly outside that I couldn't hear anything else, I decided to wise up.

I'm currently in the laundry room with Lucy.

Like, right now.

Not kidding. I'm blogging from in here. So, you know, if you never hear from me again then take it as proof that I should have gone whole hog into the crawl space.

I'm literally taking pictures and blogging amidst the action. This must be how the reporters in like Syria and Burkina Faso feel.

Lucy and I are having different reactions to this ordeal. I'm wondering how quickly I can run to the kitchen and grab (1) a pint of ice cream, (2) the necessary spoon, (3) and some ginger snaps. Lucy is slowly resigning herself to being in uncomfortably close proximity to her mama.

OK, I opted to run out for the phone transfer wire, my book, and the laptop. Under 10 seconds, easy. All that jogging and bike riding is paying off.

I feel like I should be nominated for a peace prize or something. Maybe a Pulitzer for this post?

In other news, I found out today that I've been chosen to present at a conference in a neighboring state this fall! It's like...official academia or something!

OK, now there's a flash flood warning.

Nice knowing you.

A 5K A Day Keeps The Weight Gain Away

I'm trying this totally new thing called "living healthy." (Spoiler alert: I so do not run a 5K a day; I just thought that was a catchy title. But! I did think of it while running, so, you know, street cred.)

My totally new and unique lifestyle is comprised of two tenets that no one has ever thought of before:

(1) Eat less that I used to.
(2) Move more than I used to.

The "used to" lifestyle was not working for me or my waist line. I've been doing this new thing for about a month and so far, so good. If it continues to work I'll share the things that have been effective so far. Who knows if they will work in the future. And, by future, I mean when school starts in August and I no longer have time to even take a breath, much less eat right and work out. That's just cray cray.

The eating right consists of maintaining a diet of mostly fruits and veggies (and protein), which is way easy to do in the summer because (1) I eat everything, and (2) tomatoes and nectarines are in season, which is a fact that wildly increases the quality of my life.

Exercise consists of biking miles and miles to/from work each week, working toward hiking each weekend, a bit of strength training, and a bit of running. And by "running," I mean jogging slash walking.

I'm also drinking massive amounts of water and almost no DDP, but we'll see how long that lasts. I'll save that evaluation for another blog on another day. :)

Really, this is all I want to do these days:

The Problem That Has No Name

Another major book victory for me. This one looks small, which is so deceptive, because it is as long as Moby Dick and took me even longer to read.

The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan

A few things that this book is not: (1) It's not a feminist manifesto, (2) It's not a man-basher, (3) It's not harsh, abrasive, or aggressive in tone, (4) It does not seem revolutionary, (5) It does not downplay the significance or importance of a woman's role as wife and/or mother.

It is one of the first and broadly-published sociological studies of American female life. Published in 1963, Friedan's book incorporates her own research and the research of many others, as well as timely (for the '60s) ideology such as that of Freud, to dissect what she saw firsthand as a growing problem in America's suburbs.

Friedan's legacy in this book is her identification of "the problem that has no name." Why was it that in the decades immediately following WWII when the men were back and families were booming and suburbs were sprawling and appliances made life a hundred times easier for women than those of their mothers just 10-15 years earlier, were women living in a daze? Why were they taking tranquilizers and drinking on such a wide scale that doctors referred to this phenomenon as "the housewife's disease"? Why did their housework seem to expand to fit all the hours of the day, despite so many new industrial fixtures that actually did the work for them? Why did they so desperately cling to their husbands and children?

Without blaming men - and in fact, by putting quite a lot of onus on women - Friedan explores the undercurrents of a society that offered no other identity for a woman apart from her sexuality, that is to say, her ability to exist only to support her husband and her children. The problem, in hindsight, is not that women wanted to excel within the domestic sphere; it was that they had no other spheres. It was not that they struggled to maintain a career and a household; it's that the career was the household and there were no other options. A woman didn't decide to stay home because she wanted to, she simply had to.

Except, she didn't.

Friedan wrote during a time when women were accepted to colleges and into the working world. Yes, there were all kinds of political issues, but she was not writing during a time in which women were banned, so to speak, from professionalism. Instead, women purposefully didn't pursue any of it, and found themselves - broadly speaking - with no motivation or identity or energy apart from their families (meanwhile, the husband and children were fully immersed in their own lives, leaving the woman utterly alone, grasping at their leftovers. Women would do their children's homework and plan elaborate meals to entertain the husband's boss, just so that they could feel like they were a part of the lives being lived around them.)

In short, Friedan explores what made the women decide to forgo any opportunity of a life outside the house, and their subsequent misery and isolation.

It's a long read, but mostly an interesting one. Friedan includes a lot of quotes from other housewives of the time, and major marketing decisions targeted at housewives. For those of us living in a much different society (as a result of the efforts of the women who came before us) it's a real eye-opener. I suggest reading it along with another book. Just reading this one felt like it took a year off my life. But now I'm ready for another Feminist Thought class. :)

Shoo Shee

Saturday is for sushi and catching up with the Russians in our lives.

It has, first of all, been way the heck too long since I've had sushi. I used to work with a Vietnamese lady who would call it shooshee and because I absorb other peoples' nonsensical behavior like a sponge, I have since been incapable of calling it sushi. All I'm able to say is "Less go shooshee! Less go shooshee!" So I sound like a moron a lot of the time. She had an excuse for the mispronunciation. I don't.

Crispy Tuna inside a spiced avocado shell. Kill me now because I could go in peace.

A couple of glasses of wine outside didn't hurt either.

Have you ever had mochi? It's like a little ice cream ball inside a flavorful rubber/powdered sugar coating. The outside is like a semi-sweet rice paste thing but it tastes good. The first time I tried it was when living in Hawaii and I was at a social event and didn't know what the mochi was and spent the entire night thinking I ingested the packaging along with the ice cream. I thought I might need to go to the hospital...and then I found out it was in fact edible. These things are true. 

The bad news is that I got home too late to watch the season finale of Orphan Black tonight dangit. Now I have to wait until tomorrow and watch it On Demand so what the heck am I supposed to do for the next 16 hours????

Ok fine I guess I'll watch TV with this one.

TGIF, people!

Every now and then I try to include Lucy in "photo shoots" for the books I'm reading.

This latest round didn't go well at all.

You Snooze You Win

I tell you, I dig this summer work week schedule. The teensiest bit of hard work and then a colossal amount of time off? Yes, please!

I had brunch with this one today at the best breakfast place in Denver:

Nat King Cole in all her pre-coffee morning glory.

It's funny taking pics with NKC for the blog. I'm always like, "Oh! Let's take a picture!" and then when I show it to her, she shrugs and goes, "Welp, that's what I look like, so, yeah, ok." She says this with zero enthusiasm so I didn't know if I was bugging her or not. Today she confirmed that I'm not. So, more pictures! :)

It was beyond great to sit and catch up for a couple of hours in between our regular Lit Society (aka Frasier and Niles) schedule.

A plate of hash browns loaded with cheese, tomatoes, onions, pulled pork, and eggs. I felt like Gaston from Beauty and the Beast while eating this.

Once fully and totally stuffed, we moved the party over to Trader Joe's for a grocery shopping extravaganza. I've only been a couple of times, so today was like having my own tour guide! And her food recommendations go a long way because she's speaking for herself and Chef Campo!

I walked away with some yummy dinner ingredients for the next week and two highlights:

A thousand bottles of yummy (and mostly cheap!) wine

And fresh nectarines! These are the candy of the fruit world, in my opinion.

I'm now exhausted from my morning out and must spend the afternoon recuperating and reading with Loo Loo Bean. She's thrilled about it.

Facetime

Lucy spends a lot of time - a lot of time - taking baths. She mostly concentrates on her face and ears. Probably because she's too fat to reach around the rest of her body. We think she looks like a puppet.

And she usually sits all over her bought friends while she's doing it. When she's not grooming them, of course.

G was able to take some rapid shots of her last night. She was, of course, not thrilled about it.

Occasionally, she focuses on her feet, getting in between her furry toes. Then she sits up and just leisurely chews for quite some time. We try not to think too hard about that. At least she doesn't give us kisses with that mouth.

A Must See Summer Movie

This weekend we went to see this:

Source

Go see it immediately. It is the perfect summer movie. It is a huge nod to the original Jurassic Park movie - which premiered like 25 years ago omg has it been that long??? - and I'm not saying this one is original on any level or that it has any kind of a plot. I'm just saying you need to go see it.

Source

The effects are fantastic and so is the acting. They make up for the total and complete lack of originality - which might sound like I'm criticizing the movie, but I'm not! I loved it! - and the concept of such a touristy, marketing savvy animal park is so on par with what would probably exist if we were able to clone dinosaurs today. My fave line from the movie went something like, "Wait, what? You make new dinosaurs? Like, the other dinosaurs weren't enough??"

And in other news, my lil lovelies are thriving!

I think it's all the rain lately. It rains all the time. I mean, all the time. Not that I'm complaining or anything, because we need the water, but it rains constantly. We went straight from snow season to monsoon season. Whatever gives California its drinking water, right? (<--- sarcasm and bitterness)

I'm getting really good at commuting via the bike. Look for me at next year's Tour de France.

RMNP

Today we skedaddled up to Rocky Mountain National Park.

We did the same trail that G and C-peep hiked last year during their BOYZ weekend. It's called Cub Lake and goes through a meadow, past a lake covered in lily pads, down a trail that faces the mountains, and then alongside a creek that - thanks to all our rain of late - is almost overflowing.
 

We saw a ton of elk, two snakes, (I'm like the snake whisperer. Seriously. Even on my bike. It's not fun.) a lot of hummingbirds, and a lot of tourists. When we couldn't find a parking space in multiple off-road lots, we were like, why are there so many people here?! Ohhhhhh. Because it's summer. In one of America's most popular national parks.

Duh.

The weather is so nice that G pretty easily won the battle to drive without the roof on his jeep. When he asked me if we could go topless it took me a while to figure out what he meant. I was like, what kind of girl do you think I am? 

The hike was about 5-6 miles in total and afterward we devoured some Tex Mex food in Estes Park before heading home to this one, who has been lazypants all weekend long.

Look how she cuddles with her skunk. She grooms it, too. It's hilarious.