A Pretty Perfect Day

When my alarm went off at 6:00 this morning, I chuckled to myself and burrowed under the covers.  When it went off at 7:00, I rolled my eyes and turned over.  When it went off at 8:00 I forced myself to get up.  Sleeping in like this is highly unusual for me, even on the weekend.  Considering that I beat most geriatrics to bed at night (9:00 pm?  Time for sleepy sleeps!) I totaled around 100 hours of sleep.

Over 2 cups of coffee, I worked on my paper before heading to Red Rocks with M-Dawg.  We worked out with the rest of the crazies.

We walked most of the rows up the amphitheater, and then a few back down.

 

And, in true B-and-M form, we then ate a ton of food.

During the afternoon there was more working on the paper, some tutoring, some more coffee, and a snotty little rabbit.

Sometimes she just stares at me while I try to do my homework.

Then she gets bored and lays down with her bought friends.

We're capping off the day by planning a Labor Day hike and watching 55 episodes of Smallville.  Lex is the bad guy and yet is so, so my fave.  Yes, those are a million pumpkins in the living room and that's just the beginning.  Bring it on, Fall.

Enjoy the long weekend!

Over Eager

God bless Saturdays.  And 3-day weekends. 

The fall decorations are almost complete.  Yes, I jumped the gun.  G gave the side eye to a couple of the pumpkins and said, "You realize it's still August, right?" to which I replied, "Um, for two more days.  What's your point????"  There will be the baking of pumpkin bread sometime in the next 48 hours.

I got my hair done today.  More bangs.  And lowlights.

Please note: No classes since Wednesday.  Hence, no makeup since Wednesday.  Also? Nap hair.  On that very couch.

Well, hello Fall.  Nice to see you.

I should be writing my theory paper but seem to be unable to turn off Good Wife reruns and get started.  And since there is no class on Monday, my blood pressure is lower than it has been since about May.

Two necessities for grad school: (1) coffee, (2) the largest Diet Dr. Peppers known to man

Enjoy your three day weekend, peeps!

Life These Days

Well hello my peeps.  How can it be Thursday already?  The weekdays fly by for me, which is not something I have experienced, like, ever.  I think this week is especially bearable because next Monday is Labor Day!  Hallelujah!  Just two days of K-8 madness and tutoring between me and the weekend.

A sample of the amount of materials I take with me for the class I teach.  Venetian mask included (yesterday).

Life these days...

* I don't sleep well.  None of the other TA's do, either, it sounds like.  I don't lay awake at night and worry, I just don't sleep for very long periods of time.  Every night around 2:00 or 3:00 I debate just getting up and getting some work done.  Which begs the question, who am I?

* I have exercised three days this week.  Jogging, biking, strength training.  I am beyond proud of myself for this.

* It looks like I may survive this theory class after all.  Our first paper is due next week, though, so I'm not counting my chickens.

* Fall is right around the corner.  My flowers are starting to bite the dust and it's getting c-o-l-d at night.  I'm decorating the house this weekend!  Pumpkins!  My favorite season ever!

* Did I mention that I'm off on Monday?  That I'm going to sleep for 85 hours?

* It is a weird feeling to be up in front of the class, offering a few thoughts, and watching 25 students frantically write down what I'm saying.  Life feels like I'm in the Twilight Zone sometimes.

* Although I'm tired and stressed most of the time, life is oddly manageable.  I think it's because I'm two weeks into the semester and am on the cusp of hitting some sort of stride.  Soooooooo glad that first week is over, though.  I don't look forward to that in January.  At all.  Although hopefully next semester I'll be able to teach two sections of class...?

* Can. Not. Wait. To. Decorate. House. For. Fall.

* Lit Society is next week and I'll have an excellent book review for you!

* Can. Not. Wait. For. A. Three. Day. Weekend.

* You know how I'm impressed with my good decision to leave my Monday mornings open?  I'm also thrilled beyond belief that I don't go to the K-8 school at the crack of dawn anymore.  I'm working longer stretches of time there throughout the day, but I don't go in until a bit later in the morning, which has made all the difference in the world.  Sometimes the little things really do make the biggest difference.  What I've discovered about myself is that I can get up early in the morning and deal with it as long as I don't have to immediately fly out the door.  A couple of hours to stare out the front window with my coffee (even if it's at 5:30 a.m.) are necessary.

I wish I had something more interesting to report, but that's my life, peeps.  What's up with you?

A Really Good Decision

In planning to balance my 400 jobs this semester, hands down the best decision I made was to leave my Monday mornings "open."  I knew that over the course of the next few months, I would need some window of time for various appointments and errands.  I refuse to do all of that on the weekend (one of those Grand Narrative things).  In my planning I never realized how mentally beneficial it is to know, on Sunday night, that I don't have to be up and at 'em at 5:30 on Monday morning.  I'll enjoy it while I can because this could all change in January.

And that's assuming I make it until January.

Kudos to me for working out while reading homework tonight.

You can tell how thrilled I am about it.  The only thing worse than working out when you're unmotivated is forcing yourself to do homework at the same time.  But that half marathon ain't gonna run itself.  And bunny mama can't jog very often.  Hence, the stationary bike.  Hence, the diablo eyes.

 

My energy level is only going to plummet throughout the week.  So I'll take this victory and ignore the Snickers in the cabinet.

One day down, four to go!

What's Another Word for Balance?

I would just like to say that it was gorgeous outside today.  The entire time I stayed indoors doing homework.  Then?  We decided to go for a bike ride...and the rain started.  It was actually kind of nice, though.

We saw a snake and a coyote.  Separately.  It was entertaining and slightly alarming.

In other news, I have no idea when I'll be able to resume TGIF posts.  All of my funny pictures are on our old laptop that has given up the ghost.  I have backups on an external drive but it requires me to download a Windows drive or some other type of technological impossibility to make it work.  We all know that will never happen.  So I'm stuck for the moment.  No funny posts for you!

I'm trying to strike a balance in life, for lack of a better word.  It's so tempting to hole up with my homework and lesson plans, rocking back and forth in the fetal position, pausing every few minutes to double fist the chocolate.  But alas.  I didn't move to Denver just to hole up.  So I'm *trying* to remember to be active or at least, you know, go outside when I can.

I also need to remember that I stupidly signed up for a half frikkin' marathon and need to jog more than once a month in preparation.

So I ordered this running buddy that hooks over the top of your running shorts or pants via a strong magnet that keeps it from flopping around (or so they say) so you can store your phone and keys and stuff.  Lord knows not everything needs to flop when I jog.  My goal is to use it this week.  For an actual jog.  When this miraculous event will happen, I cannot say.

But!  We recycled the left-over meatballs from our last pasta night and made a killer meal:

Meatball Subs To Die For (if they have veggies, they're healthy, right?)

That's all I got.  Everything else I do is related to school and also extremely boring.  I still have a really bad attitude about my theory class and thus have only forced myself to read one of the nine required articles so far.

Alone (or: On The Fence) (or: Why Do I Make Everything A Crisis?)

I'm here to say that I survived my first week of classes - the ones I teach and the ones I take.  After a few days of getting up at 4:00 a.m. (!!) and pretty much freaking out internally 24/7, I slept in until 9:30 today.  It was amazing.  I won't be able to do that on a regular basis because of my K-8 job, so I'll take it while I can get it.

This is going to be one of my use-the-blog-as-therapy posts.  You have been officially notified.

I am extremely lucky in that I really like and admire the other first-time TA's (we take a 3-hour class together each week and will be observing each other's classes).  There isn't even "that one person" who is inevitably the irritating one in the group.  But they are young and ambitious and planning their PhD's and forming book clubs and talking about moving to other grad programs across the country.  And I am just not.  They are fantastic.  They are brilliant.  They are the best group of people.  And they are exhausting.  Don't get me wrong, I am very much a part of the group, but I'm also 500 years older than they are, and we all know it.  They don't make me feel alone.  I do.

I have the type of personality that pretty much absorbs the group "vibe," so to speak, and I have realized that I can teach a class and feel really good about it, even feel like I have clear direction on the next class and my next steps, and then get around my colleagues and end up stressing over graduate exams I do not even plan to take.  This is a problem with my personality.  The good part is that I can (usually) tell when people are down or in trouble, and I'm able to try to help them.  The bad part is that other people's feelings can sometimes carry me away with them and play with my personal confidence.

Lucy Loo supports my laziness.

I have also found myself getting quite comfortable in between two different academic worlds, or trains of thought.  Although I like my graduate program, and I enjoy analysis, and I can talk about theory relatively comfortably, I also think there is a place for the practical.  I spend much of my time teaching kids how to do things, specific things.  We write for a reason.  Format exists for a reason.  Here are some tips and some tried and true methods to use.  Let's not even worry about existentialism right now.

Then I find myself (oh, last night) in a very heavy theory class for three hours, with a young professor who really admires himself and his oh-so-unique thoughts, and I had a hard time.  I'm usually the active listener in class, nodding, smiling, raising my hand.  Last night I was just trying not to roll my eyes or become a b*tch.  This is one of those "problems" about returning to grad school later in life, post-career, or post-jobs-in-the-real-world.  And I spent the entire drive home wondering - yet again!  this is getting old! - if I made a mistake going back to school.

No, I didn't.  This is where I should be.  I should be teaching these freshmen because, unlike my prof last night, I can relate to them.  Or, at least, I can try.

This theory class is going to kill me.  Now, in addition to all the work, I have to overcome my pride, my ego, and my bad attitude.

Yes, I plan on using this picture forever.  I will never get tired of it.  I love it too much.

In life, I seem unable to find a middle ground.  A place where I am just happy and content and myself.  I'm not the tangled mess of emotions I once was, by any means.  I am comfortable raising the BS flag on both myself and others (one of the precious few good things about getting older).  But I also seem to continually have to talk myself out of crises (last night) (and here on the blog).

Remember when I came to terms with the thought of getting a B in the online summer class?  And I was so proud of myself?  Yeah. 

I ended up doing homework in Croatia.  And I got an A.

Doin' the Neutron Dance

You know that song by the Pointer Sisters?  They were popular when I was like 6 years old (which means people like the Russkie and M-Dawg probably weren't even born yet).  Anyhoo, Doin' the Neutron Dance was like totally the background music for my day.

This is how I feel right now.

In a nutshell?  Teaching my first class was completely nerve wracking a good experience.  We've all been students for so long, do we ever consider the teacher's point of view?  No.  Let me just say that I'm looking forward to being a student two nights this week.  It feels practically lazy at this point.  You mean I get to sit?  In a chair?  (I  don't have to WRITE ON A *&*%&%* CHALKBOARD??)  I don't have to talk if I don't want to?  I'm not personally responsible for the direction and content of class work?  Sign me up!

I am relieved because the majority of my work at the K-8 school and at the university is no longer a mystery to me.  I can picture my days, my students, my new routine.  The only thing I can't picture is my homework.  I really don't know how I'm going to read copious amounts of literature and, like, write papers.  Honestly.  When?  Between the hours of 3 and 5 A.M.?????

Yeah, right.  This is me in the wee hours of the morning and you all know it.

One of my students asked me if I have any restrictions on when they can email me (my work account, not personal).  I told her to feel free to email me any time she wants.  Only thing is, don't expect an answer during what I like to call "the nocturnal hours."  I frankly politely told them that while they may be up with the owls and bats, I am not.  Bunny mama likes her 2 hours of sleep a night and will email them back at some point when the sun is in the sky.  By the way, when did freshmen get so young?  It can't possibly mean that I'm getting old.  Although I feel the wrinkles settling in.

So!  I'm no longer clawing around on the ceiling, overcome by anxiety and dread.  Thanks for hanging in there with me over the past few weeks of freaking out planning!  I will now stop boring you with this information and go back to my superficial posts about food, drinks, and movies.  :)

The Storm Before the Storm

Lucifer wanted to say hi!

Just kidding, she's as antisocial as ever and couldn't care less about her mama or this blog.  You can see the disdain in her little eyes.

I spent the weekend drinking and prepping for class, which is probably a nice little summary of how my life is going to be from now on.  I hosted the happy hour and managed not to take a single picture of the people.  Oh well, food is important, too!

I am trying to simplify, trying not to overly complicate everything in my life.  So my goal for the happy hour was not to cook, just to have finger foods and lots of alcohol.  The one thing I did make, though, was a killer blackberry Sangria.

Bourbon Pralines

Brie and Crackers

Shortbread Cookies

My syllabus is done.  My reading list has been printed.  I have my class roster and my wait list.  I'm almost done fully planning this week's classes (as far as detailed class activities and questions about the reading/focal points of class discussion).  I'm almost done with tutoring stuff for the week, and I start at the K-8 school first thing in the morning.

Tonight I'll work for a couple more hours on class stuff and then call it quits.  It's almost go time.  I kind of can't believe it.

TGIF, people!

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar.

It was tense.

Where the Magic Will Happen

First of all, let me just say MERCI BEAUCOUP to those of you who have encouraged me (the comments and texts).  I appreciate it.  I really, really do.

Today I got a lot of much-needed feedback from my fellow peeps about some of my ideas for class.  The direction and clarity I have so needed, I got!  It means a lot of work, but that's OK.  I can walk the path now that I can see the path.

Wanna see something cool and a little sad?  My classroom!  I tracked it down on a break.

I would like to draw your attention to a few key things in the picture above.  Notice the chalk board.  OMG where are we?  1935?  Back woods Alabama?  I hate chalk boards!  Not a white erase board in sight!  OMG I have to use chalk.  I haven't written on a chalk board (until today) since - and I'm so not kidding - 1995.

Also please notice the very cool leather bag slash purse on the front table.  It's a back-to-school gift I broke down and bought to curb my anxiety (#retailtherapy #ohsotemporary).

OMG - what??  Are you kidding me?  My mouth actually dropped open - I am so glad I was alone.

Type A:  After training I bought a few extra supplies for my class.  I bought an entire package of - get this - children's sidewalk chalk because it was the only kind I could find.  And I'm just uncool enough to really use it, and make my 18-year-old students use it.

And lastly, before I work yet again on my syllabus, this one is for you mothers out there.  I thought this sign was hysterical.  It's for a local hospital and a feminist student made her corrections to it.  I don't know if you can see it in the picture, but there's an arrow pointing to his crotch with the word v*gina written on it.  In case any of us has any questions about who and what really delivers babies.  :)

Not a Coincidence

Today was the first day of TA training.

I would like to take a moment to point out that I survived.  Still alive and well.

Today I also spent more on alcohol than ever before in my life.  This is so not a coincidence.  Actually, I'm prepping for (hosting) my happy hour, but let's be honest - I could consume it all right now and my syllabus would make a lot more sense.

I've gotten some questions about being a TA, so I thought I would say a little about it.  Although "TA" stands for teaching assistant, I'm actually an independent instructor within the English department, responsible for my own assignments, readings, and lectures within the greater confines of the class expectations and protocols.  So, I won't be sitting in an office somewhere, grading a "real" professor's class papers.  I will be sitting in an office somewhere, hyperventilating and drinking heavily.  And also planning my own class lectures and discussions and homework assignments and paper topics and other stuff I can't even remember right now.

I (along with my TA comrades) am in a unique position of having some boundaries, but not very many.  Which is both a free and and terrifying place to be.  New territory.  I'm an Israelite in the desert, wondering if Egypt was as bad as all that.  They did have melons.  And those pointy buildings.

Do you remember what it was like to be a freshman?  Do you remember your very first day of college?  I'm trying to remember those feelings and those fears.  I don't just want to teach writing, I want to help teach life, and college navigation.  Is that possible?  While working other jobs and taking classes of my own?

Time will tell.

It Begins (+ 2 quick reads)

And just like that, I'm back to getting up early enough to allow myself time to drink coffee and zone out first thing in the morning.  Staring out the living room window before it all begins.

I ask you, where did my summer go?

I'm still on my communist/Croatia essayist kick.  Both of these books are series of short essays about communist or post-communist life, and they cover everything from the politics of a start-up democracy to the reasoning for bad teeth outside of America.  These essays aren't quite as personal or feminist-based as How We Survived Communism and Even Laughed, but they are still fascinating to me.  I walk around all the time, thankful for toilet paper and free choice.  I expect this thankfulness to last until next week, at which point I will be freaking out regularly until I get used to my new schedule.

Cafe Europa: Life After Communism by Slavenka Drakulic

The Balkan Express: Fragments from the Other Side of War by Slavenka Drakulic

Anyhoo, if you're looking for a different book, try one of these.

Also, if you would like to sign up to clean my house, do my homework, create lesson plans for me, or adopt a surly little rabbit, please email me immediately.

Reality is Overrated

Today is basically the last day of my life.  The last day of being able to breathe and move at a subsonic rate of speed.

Tomorrow my training for both K-8 and TA stuff starts in earnest and I only have this week to straighten out the kinks before THE STUDENTS COME.

I am not ready.

I need another trip to Croatia and at least one more Girlz Weekend to insulate me from work and thinking and contributing and molding minds and coming up with ideas and writing papers and crap.

A-peep has a screened in sun room at her house and I need to spend at least another week out here, pondering life.  

On the plane ride home tonight, I'm going to *try* to work on my syllabus and some other stuff before training. This is code for setting-in-all-out-on-my-lap-and-falling-asleep.

Must go enjoy the last day of my life.

5 Tips for a Successful Girlz Weekend

1. Start the day with a nutrient-packed, healthy delicious breakfast.

 2. Walk around the farmer's market to "burn off" those calories.

3. Spend the afternoon doing what you do best.

4. Include copious amounts of tequila.

5. Enjoy your escape from the furry little buzz kill.

Repeat steps one through five.

Excuse Me While I Lay Around and Drink Wine All Day

Well, hello there from GIRLZ WEEKEND. 

What tutoring?  What TA preparation?  I have no idea what you're talking about.

This is all I know:

G sent me this picture.  I like to think that Lucy is looking up the stairs, longing for her mama and wondering where she went.  But really, she's just thinking about hopping up there.

Time to go drink more wine.

BRB

I'm off to GIRLZ WEEKEND!

Remember Lit Society? (Plus: How to Have a Life! NOT!)

Job 1: Tutoring continues and is kicking into high gear, what with school right around the corner.  I'm not sure how I'm going to juggle all the students, considering that two nights a week I will be taking classes.

Job 2: Training for the K-8 school started up today.  I have caught on and stashed all my tattoo covers bracelets in the glove box of my car.  That way?  I can never forget them again.

Job 3: In my spare time (hahahahahahahaha) I'm working on themes and lesson plans to present during TA Orientation next week.  If they are approved, I'll have to whip up pull a couple of all-nighters in order to find readings and create a syllabus.  If they are not approved, I'll have to do all that plus start all over with themes.

You're welcome for that picture.  I know how much it means to all of you. 

Americans can be way too enamored with their busy and self-important lifestyles, so I'm not going to go there.  Nor do I consider myself self-important.  :)  Nor do I really want to talk about being busy.  I don't even like being busy.  It's mainly that I feel overwhelmed and mostly incapable of managing any sort of effective lifestyle for the next 5 months.

BUT!

We started up LIT SOCIETY again!  This summer was a crazy one, so we took some time off, and I sorely missed it.

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

Based upon years of shame and vulnerability research, Brown has written a couple of books, including this one, about how to live wholeheartedly and open in a world that is cynical and focused on what we don't have rather than what we do.  Toward the end of the book, the points feel repetitive but they are good nonetheless.  In some ways, it reminded me of The Happiness Project (although it is not so goal-oriented or written in as friendly a tone).  To live a life that includes "enough" love and success means being vulnerable and open to failure.  As hard as that may be to stomach.

Brown asks a question that resonates with me: What is worth doing even if I fail?

The answer is - everything I'm currently doing.  All 57 jobs.  The reading in my car in between tutoring gigs.  Petting the feverish alien cats.  Covering up the tattoo.  Praying that my freshmen don't walk out of my first comp course and immediately drop it.

Back to it, peeps.  How is it Wednesday already?  How is it August??????