All the Things (+ Small Changes)

Well, hello there. We are getting to that point in the semester where my life is crumbling, brick by brick. No time to grade. No time to read. Plus, I don't even understand what I read because it's theory. No time to write. Can't write anyways since I don't understand the readings.

Vicious cycle.

Needy students.

<insert emoji of girl holding her temples>

But, life, it goes on.

I got this mug at the Field Museum in Chicago. In case you're wondering if I ever plan to stop talking about that place, the answer is no. It was so cool. This mug is adorable and I love the toes and it puts me in a good mood.

Speaking of good moods - this card. G and I coined the term, "bunny butt," so whoever made this is plagiarizing, but whatever. It's in our kitchen because, again, it puts me in a good mood.

And I'll have you know that our lil bunny butt is doing just fine. I finally got around to taking down the Christmas/winter/holiday lights and the gloomy darkness has improved her mood substantially. Nose kisses happen every night around here. It's now a thing.

One of my students came up to me after class last week and told me that I am, by far, his favorite professor. Just as I opened my mouth to say thanks, he added, "I mean, none of my other professors flip off the class like you do!" Uh oh. I was like, don't put that in the eval, ok?

(For what it's worth, they know I'm kidding - well, sort of - and they're generally cool with being flipped off. I've discovered moves like this make the twenty-somethings actually pay attention, so it's all in the name of academia.)

Since I put up the winter decorations, I used that as an excuse to high-tail it to World Market and buy a few Easter-y things. G came home and was like, "You realize it's still February, right?" I was like, "This puts the 'tail' in retail therapy." <---Get it?

Tell me this isn't precious.

I was procrastinating in a major way and ended up wandering around the store way longer than I should have, which resulted in me buying these bowls. I know it seems like 10 children live in this house. But it's only two adults and a rabbit. The longer I live the more I realize I need to stop following arbitrary adult rules (i.e. own real dishes) and just do what makes me happy.

Could you die or what?! And, no, I don't just plan to use these in the spring. I kind of hate to admit that we will use these all year round.

It's 70 degrees and sunny today. I pulled out all the stops and opened up the front door and some windows so that I can look up from grading every few minutes and realize there's still a whole world out there.

Sorry I've been absent of late. Can't handle life. Can't prioritize and manage all the things.

Trying to get act together.

Gladly accepting offers to bunny sit, spare change, food of all kinds, and paper-writing services. Just come on over; the door's open.

Overheard

G: (collapsing on the couch and propping his feet up) Man. This has really been a relaxing weekend.

B: (jaw dropped in disbelief) I've been dying of stress! How can you even say that?

G: Because I'm not in grad school, honey.

TGIF, people!

The Sacred Season

Which do you think will disappear first?

Trying to Figure It Out (Or: The Voices)

Happy Valentine's Day, loves.

We don't really celebrate it, but I'll admit that I wouldn't feel loved if I didn't get my annual romantic gift of the latest Orphan Black season.

Best. Show. Ever. (Besides Homeland. And Frasier.)

If only I had time to watch it. <<sigh>> That's what summer is for, I guess. <<colossal eye roll>>

As you've probably noticed (because, let's be honest, my blog is such a huge part of your life) from Monday - Thursday, it's pretty much radio silence on here. That's because I can't figure out how to keep my head above water. I don't want this blog to have only two settings: (1) school is in session and I gripe about being busy, and (2) school is not in session and all I do is eat and hike.

However, whenever I think about posting more serious thoughts on here, I always think it will be boring? And then I recall how interesting it is (to me) when other people blog about serious stuff...

Lucy, however, does NOT find blogs interesting.

And then an astute and brilliant reader called me out on my comment about stuffing down the voices in my head, about ignoring them so that I can have fun - make time for fun - during stressful periods of life.

Let's admit it - we're all busy and stressed out at least 95% of the time. Welcome to America. One of the reasons I tend to get so preoccupied with goals is because I think the more goals I make, the more I can use my Type A personality to my advantage and make sure that I'm accomplishing some of the things I want to in life, rather than just becoming a better doer: a better teacher, writing consultant, grader, worker. And I think this because, for me, it's true.

But you know that already because I blog about goals ad nauseam, so what about the voices, then?

I've been thinking about the voices and paying more attention to them lately, and I've come to realize that most of the time they run the show. And that's OK because most of the time I let them: I mostly live in Productive Mode and need to get stuff done. But what about the times I want to shut them off and have fun? Like the weekend in Chicago? I think it's possible for me to shut those voices up because I know myself and trust that I'll get the work done. Chicago is actually a perfect example of this: I didn't forsake my homework. I just crammed it into certain hours of the day: I read on the plane; I graded at night in the hotel room; I read in the mornings and at night; I spent the entire last day we were there writing a paper. I just remembered to enjoy the view and to eat good food while I was at it.

The beautiful lobby of the hotel where I started my paper. While eating a lobster roll.

So, on the one hand, maybe I don't shut the voices up, per se. Maybe I just hit the pause button for a few hours in order to enjoy myself. The homework and grading are hanging over my head, but I'm not looking up at them. I'm looking at the Giordano's pizza or the man eaters of Tsavo. Maybe I'm not shutting them out altogether but I'm extremely effective at tamping them down temporarily.

On the other hand, this is an area of my life in which I have made legit progress.

The only voices that get to speak in my head are the helpful ones, the ones who are saying, "Um? Knock knock! You have a paper to write!" and "Should you be double-fisting the Now & Laters? I don't think so." and "Re-watching the latest episode of Billions for the third times sounds fun, but what about your grading? How about doing that instead, hmm?" Sometimes I listen, and sometimes I'm like, "Thanks for the reminder! But I'm going to do what I want for a sec, mm kay?"

The voices who say mean and self-destructive things get shot in the head. Immediately. 

The mean voices in my head used to win all the time. For the majority of my life, actually. They had full reign of my psyche and kept me from enjoying all kinds of things. They used to consume me; I couldn't see the forest for the trees. Meaning, I couldn't enjoy the present moment for fear of what was coming next. This ruined lots of things and goes much deeper than just "voices in my head," but all this to say that I speak from experience. And the experience has helped me to identify the voices and forget all about reasoning with them: I get the gun and shoot them in the head.

So. The voices can tell me that I should put down the TV remote and pick up the theory book but they can not tell me that I should be consumed with thoughts of work with G is telling me about his day. The voices can knock on the inside of my brain and remind me that the doughnut I'm staring at is not the best decision, but they can not wake me up in the middle of the night and paralyze me with thoughts of teaching/reading/writing/driving/talking/working/eating tomorrow.

After the longest week ever, I treated myself to a nice dinner and some quiet time to study last Thursday night. It was totally unexpected and just perfect.

I'm not sure if this answer's my astute reader's question. In a nutshell, I only allow certain voices to speak to me. They are safe. So I put up with them most of the time because they are just looking out for me. When they cross the line, they get tamped down by the latest episode of Real Housewives of Whatever or a Taylor Swift song at high volume or the latest Serial podcast or a day roaming around the Field Museum. They retreat and calm down. Then they come bug me again when it really and truly is time to get to work. And then I roll my eyes and start grading.

TGIF, people!

Up Next

Ok, time for a vacation. 

We've made official plans for Summer 2016.

As you can see, we are really excited about it.

We went out to dinner tonight in order to celebrate.

Can you guess where we're going?

Drumroll, please...

..........

We're going to:

 

TGIF, people!

Really, Really Prioritizing

I keep thinking I should blog about prioritizing Important Life Things, and then I think, is that boring? But I love to read what others do so that they can make room for what really matters to them, whether it's family or time to exercise or whatever.

So here goes.

The Field Museum humor just never gets old.

As you know, I had a real eye-opener last semester. Taking two lit classes on top of All The Jobs was too much. G and I never saw each other. I had to c-r-a-m in time with friends, which was just as stressful as it was fun. I never worked out. Lit Society practically collapsed until Nat King Cole threw in the towel and focused on Virginia Woolf...

And every Wednesday night I was on the verge of tears, not from stress, but just from exhaustion: mental and physical. I had too much to keep up with. And even though it was all - well, mostly - good, it was still too much.

So this semester I'm down to one class. And thank heavens, because it's a doozy. I worked on it at night during our Chicago weekend; I worked on it in the airport; and I worked on it during the plane ride home. Hours and hours. In the middle of the flight, I had this moment of WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF?

Homework on planes. Is there anything worse? No. There is not.

And the answer is: because this is what I want.

No, I don't *want* to do homework and grade all the time, but I love my job(s) and I'm actually doing something I'm good at! And I'm helping people! And I feel like I'm actually making a difference! And I'm learning! And progressing!

I'm also the type of person (hello, Type A! *wave*) that will just hole up and work on things until they're done. I'll forsake the tv and books and friends and the husband and the bunny and the hobbies and all of it. I go into Frantic Mode. And the only way out is to schedule the fun. As crazy as that sounds, it works for me!

So how do I prioritize? I schedule the fun things and treat them as if they are as important as my work. Although they're not as important - they're more important.

Every week I have a standing happy hour with a (much younger) friend from work who has kind of inadvertently become a mentee. How am I old enough for this? I guess that's fodder for another post.

Every week I have a standing date night with this guy.

For the next few months, we have exciting travel weekends planned.

And, just about every other day, I make myself exercise. I either force myself to get up early (very, very, stupidly, insanely early) or I force myself to grade/read while skulking on the treadmill. Hey, at least it gets me moving.

I treat each of these things like it's non-negotiable. And every time I'm about to go out for drinks or dinner or a weekend trip away, I have a freak out session. I think to myself that this time, this day, this week, I just can't do it. I just have to get some other stuff done. And I take that little voice in my head and stuff it where the sun don't shine. I go out and I have a blast every single time.

I never regret it.

That's how I prioritize: Forced Fun.

More Chicago

We made it back to Denver, just ahead of the big storm. I have to say, we lucked out this weekend; the weather in Chicago was downright balmy (in the 30's and 40's) compared to what we expected for January.

Since we only had a couple of days - and since the weekend always, no matter where we are, must include some downtime and lots of homework/grading - we only planned a few key things. Wilson Tower (check); The Field Museum (check); Giordanos pizza (check); lots of food (CHECK); and the "Bean".

Isn't it awesome? Chicago is such an artistic city - I can't wait to come back.

A few more food pics because, let's be honest, we ate a LOT. Oh, and drank a lot, too. G and I hardly see each other during the week - especially last week since he was traveling - so it's especially nice when we get to just chill in a restaurant and spend some time catching up over drinks and a ton of food. It helps make up for all the nights of cereal dinners, endless homework/grading, and The Nonstop Weekly Chores And Chaos.

This weekend really was the best.

Ok, I'll give you all my King Sooper's coupons if you'll go to work for me today so I can stay home in my pj's and bug Loo Loo Bean.