It would be great if I could summon the energy to you know, actually clean the apartment before we leave this weekend. But that may be a bridge too far.
I'm way too tired to go to work this morning. Orca and I want to lay around and snooze on the couch and then finish the second Game of Thrones book. Could we do that and still get paid? That would be great, thanks.
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| A rare dreary day in God's country |
I was thinking about my "situation" of late, and how it's simply a small twist on the same old battle I've always fought (it seems like). And it occurred to me, you know how Jesus says to seek and you will find? Of course, He's talking about finding the gospel, finding God, finding the underlying truth of our lives that our souls are looking for whether or not we are aware of it.
But I was thinking that the very same concept applies to bitterness. If you go chasing after it, you will surely catch it. It's the easiest thing in the world, catching something that wants to be caught. I have discovered that there's a fine line in dealing with a hurtful situation; on the one hand it is important to know your feelings, acknowledge them, deal with them, and move forward. On the other very, very important hand, it is useful to leave revenge and vindication to God.
Such an easy thing to type. Such a hard thing to do.
One good thing about my, let's call it "unfortunate pattern," of seemingly repeating the same old situation, is I have been able to watch what happens when a person becomes too intent upon chasing bitterness. You lose focus on everything else and the rage consumes you and other people see it. Your focus shifts away from reality to the endless search for a way to catch someone else, or to blame them, or to make them feel bad, or to point the finger at them. And eventually other people see that, too. And they lose respect for you, they lose trust in you, and your reputation becomes hollow.
Think of all you miss when you look at life through that lens. That's why I refuse to go looking for reasons to hate someone. It's too easy. Then I'll be a hateful person, and I don't want that. I want to be a peaceful person, loving, kind, generous. And Lord knows that's hard enough without inviting anger in to it.
It's easy for this post to come off as self-righteous and that's totally not my intent. I have a myriad of things that I struggle with, including this topic. I write about this, though, because I know it. There are so many other spiritual points that I wrestle with, and perhaps doubt, and wonder about. But not this one.
This one, I know.
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