The Big Question Mark

For better or worse, the GRE is over.

Let's put it this way: I spent weeks studying for it and I paid to take a class.  And I got my scores today and still can't tell if they are good enough for grad school admission.  Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm a jenius with a capital "J."

The crux of my problem:

If verbal score + math score = total GRE score, I'm in!  I did it!  I'm golden!

However, if the total GRE score is an average of math and verbal scores, I'm an academic failure unworthy of post secondary education.

I did OK on the verbal and atrociously on the math, as expected, but all in all - considering my non stop grilling of all my peeps via text this afternoon -  I *think* I squeaked by.  And I *think* I nailed the essays.

But I feel like my future is one big question mark.  Did I do well enough for admission?  I'm not definite.  Did I really ace the essays?  I won't know for a few days.  So I spent the day crying in frustration and was such a basket case that poor G had to take Lucy into the vet's and get her set up for boarding by himself.  I hate goodbye's, even with pets who hate me, so I sulked out in the car.

That's how mature I am.  I'm a real joy to live with.  It's so fun divvying up foreign currency while gulping, hiccuping, and yelling my frustrations at G.  Sooooooo fun.  I betcha he CAN'T WAIT to be on a plane with me for the next 24 hours!!!

Here's the thing, though.  People prayed for me.  I prayed for me.  I want to be in God's will.  What matters to me more than any test score is the encouraging texts and emails I got this last week and today after I went through a box of Kleenex and finally summoned the nerve to check my phone.  The fact that you guys supported me and checked in and followed up is what matters more than any test.

After some Sonic, about 20 Ibuprofen and several re-runs of Frasier, I'm starting to feel like myself again.  Curtis Sittenfield's latest book is waiting for me.  Hong Kong and Singapore are waiting for me!  I have the best friends in the world!  I have the best husband (something tells me I rarely let him know that) in the world.

Thank you peeps.  Either way, thank you.