"If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall."
--Nadine Stair
The other day I mentioned taking the long view, and part of that, for me, is looking in the rear view mirror: Looking back in order to navigate my way forward. I don't believe there's much value in dwelling on the past, but there is in learning from my mistakes. If I can learn from them, they are not nearly so bad and painful, and then hopefully I won't repeat them. (Knowing me I'll just repeat a slightly different version of them, but that's a whole other story :)
I think that reflecting on past mistakes in our lives will help us make better decisions and stay focused on the important things. That said, I'm not one to beat myself up too much over things that are said and done; if I had my life to live over, I really would still endure some (not all!) of the most painful parts. Not because I'm a raging masochist, but because some amazing spiritual fruit came from those events, and they led me down some adventurous paths.
Remember the job I had where my boss screamed at me almost daily, for about 3 years? There were sooooo many times I thought about quitting, and the thing that kept me from it was the knowledge that the money I made in that position helped to allow us to travel. I had the freedom to walk away, but I didn't know when I would find the next job. And I knew we could "make it" for a while, but we would sacrifice a year (or two or three) of vacations.
I wanted the travel more than I wanted to flee the situation, so I stayed, and I don't regret it. I think about that a lot, especially when I wonder how I made it through those years. And, in the interest of full disclosure, I did eventually leave because of him. But only after I secured another job that would allow us to travel - which at the time felt like an eternity but in retrospect only took about a year to solidify. (ONLY a year - ughhhhhhh).
So, knowing that many bad or somewhat "regrettable" things served as stepping stones to very good seasons in my life, I'm hesitant to boldly declare that I would go back in time and totally change them if I could. But I would change some things...
If I had my life to live over, I would have:
**Faced my fears much earlier in life. I put up with some chronic pain inflicted by key people in my life for way too long. Who knows? I have no doubt that the timing of my seeking help was God's will, but if I could do it over all the same, I would have taken those steps in my early twenties instead of my early thirties.
**Read more books during busy times. This is sooooo easy to say in retrospect, but what the heck. I would have read more books for fun during high school and college instead of spending every moment studying, cramming, and frantically writing papers. (The Type A voice inside me is saying, riiiiiiiiight. Easier said than done, I know.)
**Said no more often. I'm a people pleaser and in the past I have over-committed myself too much. This was solely my fault - not the fault of others. Saying yes to tons of events (and long phone conversations when I didn't have time, and endless therapy sessions with people who didn't really care about me) caused me to not have enough time to get my own life in order. I wish I had realized that no is a complete sentence, as they say, and that I wouldn't become an outcast by expressing my own desires for my life. I wish I had known much earlier that if I say no to people and they stop liking me, then I don't need them in my life and everyone is better off that way.
There are more, and I'm working through some of them currently. When I come to my earth-shattering revelation about how to overcome all of my weaknesses, I'll totally blog about it.
In the meantime, reflecting on my past helps me to face my future, as unknown as it may be. I have a million questions about what I should do, but then I ask myself, "what do I already know?" I know that the healthy relationships in my life are ones that I desperately want to keep, and to grow, and that will take me time and personal dedication and sacrifice. So if a decision falls into this category, I need to do all I can to make it happen.
I know that work is important because it provides me the resources to chase my dreams, so I need to make it a priority in my life. I also know that it is only a job, and I could eventually lose it, and therefore it doesn't need to define me or consume me. It is a portion of my life, and only that. I will always walk that line of doing my best while also putting myself first when I really need to.
You know how weathered old people always shake their heads and stare off into space, saying they wouldn't trade the lessons they've learned to be young again? I totally get that. Incidentally, could someone please tell me how to hold onto these life lessons while continually looking and feeling younger? Just shoot me an email or a text. Thanks.
((PS - if you could go back, what would you change?))
Remember the job I had where my boss screamed at me almost daily, for about 3 years? There were sooooo many times I thought about quitting, and the thing that kept me from it was the knowledge that the money I made in that position helped to allow us to travel. I had the freedom to walk away, but I didn't know when I would find the next job. And I knew we could "make it" for a while, but we would sacrifice a year (or two or three) of vacations.
I wanted the travel more than I wanted to flee the situation, so I stayed, and I don't regret it. I think about that a lot, especially when I wonder how I made it through those years. And, in the interest of full disclosure, I did eventually leave because of him. But only after I secured another job that would allow us to travel - which at the time felt like an eternity but in retrospect only took about a year to solidify. (ONLY a year - ughhhhhhh).
So, knowing that many bad or somewhat "regrettable" things served as stepping stones to very good seasons in my life, I'm hesitant to boldly declare that I would go back in time and totally change them if I could. But I would change some things...
If I had my life to live over, I would have:
**Faced my fears much earlier in life. I put up with some chronic pain inflicted by key people in my life for way too long. Who knows? I have no doubt that the timing of my seeking help was God's will, but if I could do it over all the same, I would have taken those steps in my early twenties instead of my early thirties.
**Read more books during busy times. This is sooooo easy to say in retrospect, but what the heck. I would have read more books for fun during high school and college instead of spending every moment studying, cramming, and frantically writing papers. (The Type A voice inside me is saying, riiiiiiiiight. Easier said than done, I know.)
**Said no more often. I'm a people pleaser and in the past I have over-committed myself too much. This was solely my fault - not the fault of others. Saying yes to tons of events (and long phone conversations when I didn't have time, and endless therapy sessions with people who didn't really care about me) caused me to not have enough time to get my own life in order. I wish I had realized that no is a complete sentence, as they say, and that I wouldn't become an outcast by expressing my own desires for my life. I wish I had known much earlier that if I say no to people and they stop liking me, then I don't need them in my life and everyone is better off that way.
There are more, and I'm working through some of them currently. When I come to my earth-shattering revelation about how to overcome all of my weaknesses, I'll totally blog about it.
In the meantime, reflecting on my past helps me to face my future, as unknown as it may be. I have a million questions about what I should do, but then I ask myself, "what do I already know?" I know that the healthy relationships in my life are ones that I desperately want to keep, and to grow, and that will take me time and personal dedication and sacrifice. So if a decision falls into this category, I need to do all I can to make it happen.
I know that work is important because it provides me the resources to chase my dreams, so I need to make it a priority in my life. I also know that it is only a job, and I could eventually lose it, and therefore it doesn't need to define me or consume me. It is a portion of my life, and only that. I will always walk that line of doing my best while also putting myself first when I really need to.
You know how weathered old people always shake their heads and stare off into space, saying they wouldn't trade the lessons they've learned to be young again? I totally get that. Incidentally, could someone please tell me how to hold onto these life lessons while continually looking and feeling younger? Just shoot me an email or a text. Thanks.
((PS - if you could go back, what would you change?))
-trust God more.
ReplyDelete-worry less.
-take fewer pictures so I have more time to enjoy the actual moment I tried to capture.
-be more appreciative of the "me" I was in that particular moment and not worry about what "me" is next.
-be more thankful
I wouldn't change anything. I always feel like everything in the past is a part of where I am now and how could I know where I'd be now if I'd done something different then. For example - sometimes I wish I'd chosen a more employ-able major in college, but if I had, it would be so tempting to work when what I really want to do is be with my kids while they are little. I didn't know that then - and I feel some regret that I chose a major I felt safe in, but not regret that I hadn't chosen a different path, just that I didn't have enough wisdom to see it that way...but since I didn't and also didn't have the foresight to see that I might have 3 kids 10 years later, I guess that worked out for now! And when I think about the future - and how we're not preparing for it, I have to balance that with the knowledge that I know I can never get back their childhood and that it is slipping by so much faster than I ever thought possible.
ReplyDelete