Be Nice

While we were in Japan, we experienced a "first" that we never expected: cab drivers thanked us as we got into the car. As in, "Konichiwa! Arigato!" or if they spoke English, something like, "Thank you for my cab today! Thank you!" G and I looked at each other and shook our heads in amazement.

As we nodded and bowed our way around, we noticed that everyone was this nice, this courteous. But in particular, maybe because taxi drivers are not known (broad and sweeping generalization coming!) in America for their people skills or professionalism or even for basic competence, we noticed how much "better" they are in Japan.

Due to my consumerism greed interest in travel, we took two big suitcases. Because souvenirs. The cab drivers would rush out of the car, and around it, and have the suitcases wrangled into it before we could even settle ourselves into the back. And still they were nice and courteous. Even if only one suitcase would fit into the trunk and the other one had to go in the front seat and the driver had to sporadically reach out to keep it from falling over on him. While he was, you know, driving through downtown Tokyo.

I would think to myself: I'm going to be a nicer person. When we get back, I'm going to be more patient. For real, for real, Jesus, I'm going to work on this.

One of the times we had mercy on G and grabbed dinner at McDonald's, he came to the table with our tray, shaking his head. He told me about the girl behind the counter who helped him. She was Indian, maybe a student? In the midst of work chaos, she spoke to her coworkers in Japanese and swiftly, efficiently switched to English when it was his turn to order. It's a safe bet that both of those languages are foreign to her. Which means that she speaks at least three. And she works at McDonald's.

I thought to myself: Is there ever a case like that in America? Apples to apples - working at McDonald's? Maybe a person speaks one language at home and adds in English at work, but say a Japanese person came in to order. It's safe to say that person would not roll out with Konichiwa and then subsequently carry on a polite and efficient conversation. We don't even do that in English. We don't even do that in whatever other native languages are involved. We are a lot of things in America, but nice is not one of them. (See? Broad and sweeping generalization.)

Today I ran to Ross to grab a couple of essentials. (Summer = yard work and way more exercising = my wardrobe for the next 10 weeks consists of 2 shirts, 2 shorts, and 2 sports bras = I need to build more into the rotation = but I don't want to spend major money = a trip to Ross.) Because I'm a Type A jet lagged early bird, I was there about 30 minutes after they opened and there was only one other customer I could see.

So, it's not like they were busy. They weren't rushing around or anything.

When I checked out, the lady didn't make eye contact with me or speak to me. She stopped mid scan to eavesdrop on a conversation her manager was having behind her on the phone. I just stood there. Because I'm going to be more patient. When she turned back around and resumed scanning, I thought I saw one of those anti-theft devices on a shirt, and I asked her about it. She didn't even respond to me. She just looked at me and rang up the total. So much for patience. I rolled my eyes and paid.

As I walked away and she turned back to her boss's conversation, she mumbled, "...nice day" and I didn't respond because I was almost to the door. Truthfully, I wouldn't have responded anyway.

My plan was to write a post about the differences in Japan (a collectivist culture that values harmony within society) and America (an individualist culture that values efficient conversation/work over societal harmony). I was going to use my irritating Ross experience as an example of America's failing civility, our lack of basic communication skills and niceties. While on the one hand, those can be superficial, on the other they go a long way towards creating a, well, harmonious and civilized society. They contribute to a world in which it is pleasant to live and work and shop. Unlike the Ross, Nice Day lady.

But, something has been bugging me and here's the heart of it: Two days after returning home I've lost all patience. Just like that. Why didn't I smile and say, "You too!" Heck, why didn't I tell her to have a nice day first? How is society going to get any better if I see these problems and just succumb to them (and then judge them and criticize them on the internet) instead of combating them?

Why wasn't I nice?

So, I'm right back where I started, reminding myself that Ghandi once said, "Be the change you want to see in the world."

I'm going to be a nicer person. I'm going to be more patient. For real, Jesus, I'm going to work on this.